Selfishness is the #1 problem with communication in marriage. We need to stop focusing on our own views. We need to remember that our views from the moment we say “I do” are no longer just OUR(one person) view. It is now, your(the two of you) views. Practically living that takes time, but coming to that decision should happen immediately after saying, “I do.”
How To Improve Communication In Marriage
Do you really want to know how to improve the communication in your marriage? Thoroughly understand Mark: 10:8, and learn to practically apply that understanding consistently.
” and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.”
Communication in Marriage #1 Solution
If Mark 10:8 was truly and deeply applied, I promise that communication in marriage would definitely lead to fewer marriage problems. Unfortunately, Mark 10:8 often isn’t profoundly comprehended. It’s not that it is a difficult verse to understand. The challenge is getting people to see all the areas in their marriage in which they don’t apply that understanding. Every fiber of my being believes that verse can deeply improve problems relating to communicating in a relationship.
Marriage problems usually don’t happen because spouses don’t know, marriage problems typically occur because spouses do not apply what they know to the appropriate situations.
I say the following without a doubt in the world. Communication in a marriage is by far the most problematic area in marriage.
Why is that?
What makes communicating in marriage so darn difficult? There are many reasons. One cause is ignorance. In other words, sometimes spouses don’t know how to communicate effectively. (or they fail to apply what they know wisely)
Another cause is pride. It’s challenging, if not impossible, to have great communication in your marriage when you are married to a spouse that can never admit their wrongs.
#1 Cause of Marital Communication Problems
I can give many other causes of poor communication, but I want to focus on what I believe is the #1 cause of marital communication problems.
I want to talk about selfishness. Selfishness is definitely the root cause of most of the marital problems related to communicating in marriage.
Let’s clearly define what selfishness is for this article.
By selfishness I mean, self-seeking. What I mean by self-seeking is that instead of combining the two ‘selves’ as spouses many times, we rely more on how we think or feel. Instead of trying to find a union of thoughts, feelings, desires, expectations or wants, and needs, we often come from of place mostly based on what one person wants.
Mark 10:8 clearly states that when two get married, they are no longer two, but one flesh. You know what that verse teaches me? That verse teaches me about unity in marriage.
When selfishness says that any area in marriage should primarily go one spouse’s way in marriage without considering the other spouse, then you are rebelling against the design that God has for your marriage.
The wife may feel like sex should be approached one way in her marriage. Perhaps he should always be romantic a certain way. Her idea of romance is her husband getting her flowers, and a thoughtful gift whenever he wants to make love to her that day. If flowers and gifts are not present that day, she isn’t fond of the idea of sex.
Hear me out. A husband should be romantic. Romance in marriage is absolutely essential and goes hand and hand with sex with your spouse.
Do you see the marriage problem solely relying on the way the wife views sex in marriage could cause? How is her view considering her husband?
Let’s flip the script.
I want you to picture a husband that has the idea that he should be able to have sex with his wife whenever he wants. Why does he feel that way? Well, he pays bills, he helps around the house, and he is faithful. Sure, he isn’t romantic, and he could definitely help you around the house with your kids more. However, in his mind, solely thinking of his perspective, he should be getting sex whenever he wants because he pays bills, helps around the house, and is faithful.
Sound good? Is that fair to his wife that craves romance, connection, and affection?
Of course not. As humans, we tend to lean on our way of doing things and find reasons to justify why we should get what we want the way we want it.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting what we want if it is aligned with the Will of God. I am not discouraging wanting something that may be seen differently than your spouse. I am merely warning spouses to make sure you do not overly focus on your way of things without considering how your spouse feels about a particular area in your marriage.
One of the most important goals of marriage that you should be striving to do throughout your entire marriage is learning how to be ONE. And you do that by trying to combine how you feel and think about things, with your spouse, to decide ONE VIEW for your marriage in that area.
It’s all about unity.
Can you always achieve that? No.
Should that discourage you? No.
Seek to achieve more unity, my Christian spouses!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the comments below.